When all else fails -- just shut up!

We are bombarded more than a Syrian suburb each day by an endless barrage of stupidity, absurdity and blather from every direction. Talk radio, TV commentators, blogs, Facebook, Twitter and so forth. The “truth” machine guns us from every direction.

And even the trusted guardians of “public trust,” the nearly dead news media – gasping its last breaths of what the Fourth Estate once was and should be – cannot resist the urge to pile on to the heap. Shall we begin with what some people are saying and doing?

“It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, it’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.”  Rep. Todd Akin (Missouri), a U.S. Senate candidate.
Yeah, I know, he claims he “misspoke" himself and it was misconstrued. He must have consulted with Drs. Frankenstein, Mengele and Kevorkian to make such a claim. I think many would take issue with "legitimate" rape and the notion it prevents pregnancies. But I think we can all agree that treating such such haunting psychodrama and all other aftermath is so simple. Let this learned lawmaker spend a few days in the gen-pop of  a state penitentiary and he might gain a better understanding of the issues -- from an illegitimate perspective. Nonetheless, his campaign for the Senate is virtually aborted. To that end, just shut up, Todd. We'll try to forgive because you apparently have no clue as to what you have said.

“I ask President Osama to do the right thing. The United States must renounce its witch hunt against Wiki Leaks. The United States must vow it will not seek to prosecute our staff or our supporters. The U.S. administration’s war on whistle-blowers must end.” Julian Asante, Wiki Leaks founder
Alas, this anti-secrecy/hacker-activist has emerged from his sanctuary at the Ecuador Embassy in London to denounce his efforts to unfurl the silent efforts of not only the United States but other nations who seek to squelch international terrorism. He relies on leaked diplomatic cables, anecdotes from low-level Army privates and other sources and answers almost any question -- except for not wanting to travel to Sweden to answer questions related to rape and sexual allegations against him. Perhaps some secrets are too deep to reveal. Apparently even for Julian. For that, put a plug in your leaks, Mr. Whistleblower.

"Romney wants to, he said in the first 100 days, he's going to let the big banks again write their own rules.’Unchain Wall Street!' They're going to put you all back in chains." Vice President Joe Biden.
Say it ain’t so, Joe!  Certainly, you were the king of chain letters for fundraising during your days in the Senate and you probably know most of the words to Otis Redding’s’ “Chain Gang.” But wasn’t it you and your boss who bailed out much of Wall Street which, in large part, will be a debt our great-grandkids will struggle to pay? 

Who let Walter out of the trunk without Jeff Dunham to pull the strings on that sound bite? Your remark now brings you into that elite realm of Quayle, Gore and Spiro Agnew. Keep talking that way, Joe and that "change" you and your boss have been talking about might occur as early as next November. With all due respect, sir – just shut up.

“We’re gonna have a little fun and I don’t know we need to sell any more tickets because they already have a great fan base here. Former Major League Baseball hurler Roger Clemens.
Apparently the “Rocket” will return to the mound with Texas’ Sugar Lands Skeeters minor league teamin the next few days.  Clemens’ announcement comes on the heels  just a few months following his acquittal of lying to Congress (an ironic twist which we often suffer from) about his alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs, is expected to write a new chapter in the annals of America’s favorite pastime. Give him his due: he was cleared of the allegations. Essentially, so was Clinton and his involvement with the devil in the blue dress and several steeped in the Iran-Contra arms swapping deal of the 1980s.

And Roger and other grandstanding know-it-alls of every stripe, here’s a tip from the cheap-seat bleachers: If you truly want to learn how to be a real pro and stand-up player, check out those youngsters playing in the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. So, Mr. Seven-Time Cy Young Winner, have a little fun and just keep your comments to yourself, please.

And on that, I will now do the honorable thing. Just shut up.