Caveat emptor y'all !

I saw them through my garage door windows, ambling down the street and pointing at my neighbors’ roofs. The pair of them would cross their arms in serious consideration, nod their neckless heads in agreement and jot down a few notes on tiny paper pads. They would knock at doors, ring doorbells and not have a door opened. Bad time of day before a holiday.

Their fiery new truck idly blazed at roadside with the company name and logo. They were a self-described A Number One Roofing Specialist – suggesting an expertise in hail damage. No reason to doubt that claim; a call to the BBB or Angie’s List might verify such a claim. As I crouched and watched, they finally stood at my front yard. They took visual and written notes and punched my door bell. Then they knocked hard.

And that was the time I unleashed the hound, my guardian roommate and confidante, Patrick. His pounding basso profundo on our side of the door must have suggested the master was not at home. Therefore, dear salesmen, better move on because you are not welcome.

They walked to the other side of the garage and continued to make notes. Looked back at my roof again. As good marketers, they hung a doorknob promo, with information about contacts, discounts for referrals, righteous negotiations with the insurance company – plus free inspection and no money down. Finally, the card said they were “sorry we missed you!.”

I have no reason to doubt them. I am sure they are good at their trade and ability to deliver on time and price.

In days of old, selling services and products was a reasonably honorable trade. In most respects, I would agree that most still are, including the rare, price-gouging Girl Scouts who hawk cookies when their parents aren’t punishing their co-workers and friends with such demands.

But in home and landscape repairs, I have been toasted by door hucksters. The first occurred with the dropping of dead pines and cutbacks of maples. The crew got their job done, loaded their long trailer and departed. Problem was, the trailer was left in my driveway after the job. I continually called the “contractor” to have it moved. No response for nearly two weeks.

So, I invested a $75  to have it hauled away to an impound lot. Eventually, the contractor called me back. But I waited to return his urgent calls for days. Then I demanded a rebate on the haul job because of his failure to finish the job.

He did. And his check bounced.

In the end, he still lost: there was a fire in the lot and his wood-laden trailer crumpled into ashes. He had neither insurance nor bonding, but at least my pines and trimmings were gone. Best money I ever have spent.

Don’t misunderstand: me, please:  I have every respect for every person who gets out there every day to make a living, especially going door-to-door to make home improvements or to sell any product. At least they are working and not draining off the rest of us. Or pushing a cause.

For example, that rare Jehovah’s Witness who sticks a foot in my door and won’t let me get a word in otherwise. Patrick is a good Christian dog, but he has a strong aversion to zealots of any faith.