One bright morning in the dark of night...

One bright morning in the dark of night,

Two dead boys got up to fight.

Stood back to back, and faced one another.

Drew their knives and shot one another.

The deaf cop responded when he heard the noise,

He came and killed those two dead boys.

If you don’t believe it and think this story is odd,

Ask the atheist ‘cause he heard it from God!

Only two days into this week and that little ditty I vaguely recall from my boyhood reminds me just how strange things can seem or occur at any time.

It began early yesterday morning when returning a voicemail to Sears, claiming I was delinquent on my account and would be charged $100 and some change if I didn’t pay immediately. A wondrous thing given that I have a zero balance with the iconic store where America use to shop. 

I finally connected with a real human named “Ellen” whose cheerful voice carried a trace of Bollywood. After we busted the language barrier of my backwoods Hoosierisms and her all-too-stilted English, we fixed the problem.

Later in the day, an out-of-state news reporter calls me. He wants to interview one of our physicians about a cardiac procedure that person helped pioneer eons ago. I explained the good doc was no longer with us and had moved on to another institution years ago and didn’t know where.

“Well, could you find out for me and get me a contact number and arrange an interview?”

“No”, I answered. “Ever heard of Google or any variety of search engines you could rev up your search?  Some say this thing called the Internet can have some value” I wanted to add.

“My story was due last Friday,” he said in an edgy voice. “I need to nail this interview down! Okay, if that’s the way it is…” he trailed off before hanging up abruptly.

Sigh… Sorry, sonny – Friday is long gone. Unless you’re a time traveler, you missed your deadline by a mile. And for future reference -- there hasn’t been a miracle of that magnitude over a three-day time frame for nearly 2,000 years.

But the day was not done.

In the evening, I got a text on my phone, a Facebook text message shared with me some extremely important news he had obtained from one of his multitude of friends. This often-repeated warning advised me that the social network soon would begin charging users for accounts. Well, I won’t entirely rule out that goofy claim, particularly in the wake of FB’s recent IPO problems.

I quit heeding such updates some time ago when I began to doubt that there were millions waiting for me in some Nigerian account if only I shared my banking information. And I always have doubted that validity of any sales pitch offering a free Caribbean cruise – if I could take only a “few moments” to attend a meeting to discuss a real estate prospect. Leonardo DiCaprio got a better deal when he booked passage in steerage on the Titanic.

For you see, I am worldly man. Not a total idiot. However, there are times, I am sure, when family and friends might politely disagree.

Then today bloomed and it got just a little more weird. I should quit reading the wires so early in the morning. I learned that at the near conclusion of the Diamond Jubilee celebration of Queen Elizabeth’s reign, a horse named “Camelot” won the Epsom Derby, Britain’s richest race. Merlin, make me a hawk and let me fly away from here!

At the very least, God save the thoroughbred.

The zenith of today’s ironies cannot be found in the news, wacky phone calls and conversations hashing over erroneous billings. Some are far more bent than a Salvador Dali painting or watching Fox News and CNN commentators with the “mute” button engaged.

While running a quick errand on the south-side of our city, I saw a young woman with a Weed Wacker strapped to her back as she pushed a belching lawnmower across a lawn. A battered pick-up truck in the driveway boasted this was a locally owned Hispanic business. The woman was of Asian descent – and wore a red Santa Claus cap and an Indiana Pacers sweatshirt to prove it.

There are five days remaining in this week. And it wouldn’t surprise me at all if two dead boys got up to fight.